word

I have to record two funny things my kids said

Sam has been saying "perfect" but she says "PERF-TIC!"

Today on the way to basketball

Connor:  "Dylan, don't ever eat butter, whole!"
Dylan: "What do you meeeeeaaaan?"
Connor: "Don't EVER eat butter, whole, Dylan, don't ever!"
Dylan: "Like where your poop comes out?"
Connor: "not that butter hole---like a square of butter, never eat that plain!"

They definitely keep me laughing!

our walk

the mornings are cooling off here in st. george.
i look forward to this time of year.
the heat surrenders, as the cool air takes over.
it is my favorite time.

every morning my boys ask me the same question:
"are we walking to school today?"
and i always tell them yes.
"so we could get good exercise! right mom?"
again, i tell them yes.

but really, it's more than that.
it takes us about 10 minutes to walk to school.
hardly enough time for them to "get good exercise."
they hop, run, skip, race, jump over cracks, and spin.

sam watches for, and points at all the birds in the sky
dylan copycats connor's every move,
connor teaches dylan: how to skip, count, and have "super speed."
i watch. and listen. and smile. and sometimes i have to fight back tears

like today.
the boys held hands, while connor taught dylan how to skip.
"step-hop-step-hop-step-hop"
followed by: "you got it dyl!"

sam giggled and babbled at herself while i pushed her in the stroller.
she has a lot to say these days.
she likes to talk to everyone and everything
her hands. those sweaty, sticky little fingers have a lot to say too.

on the way home dylan was tired
it was peaceful.
the air was cool, and it was quiet
dylan noticed it too.

"mom, it's so quiet."
i am so glad he recognized the peacefulness
those are the moments that i cherish
we talk and laugh and giggle and play

but my kids are learning to recognize peace
and in this crazy world,
that is all i can ask for.
peaceful moments. with them. for them

remembering

paul and i were talking about dylan tonight. we were talking about how we sometimes hold samantha in the same funny way we held dylan when he had is port. we could always feel the port when we picked dylan up and we adjusted to it. we picked him up our special little way so we didn't hurt him. tonight, paul was helping sam wash her hands and noticed that he was "being careful" the way he was with dylan. funny how we do that.

so that got us talking about the chemo days. we were laughing about how funny dylan was. he could talk really well for his age, yet he had just learned to walk--he was 18 months old. we always laugh about his cute little voice. i looked up a video we posted on the blog when he was 18 months old. i think i watched it 5 times. every time i watched it, i smiled, teared up, laughed a little, and then clicked play all over. his little personality was just so fun despite all the crap his little body was taking on.

i read through a post that i had written (you can read it here) about the same time the video was posted and was reminded what life is really about. i find that sometimes i forget that my kids are just that, KIDS. they make messes, throw fits, and need love. and it is my job to provide that unconditional love to them, as their mother. here is a little piece from the post...in case you don't want to go back and read the whole thing.

So what am I learning through all this?
That my love for my kids is so intense and deep and true and honest and real and almost unexplainable...is that a word? I would do anything for them. I know, all mothers would do anything for their kids. I think I am just gaining a real testimony of that unexplainable love. Do my kids drive me crazy? of course. Do I get annoyed by the sometimes monotonous task of motherhood? yep. Do I vent my frustrations in front of my kids? almost daily. (I'm working on that one :) But my love for them is real. My heart aches for my boys daily. I pray that the world will be accepting, and gentle with them. I pray for their physical and spiritual strength daily. Their little bodies and sweet spirits make me want to be better and love more.

i am so grateful that i wrote this. i am so grateful i have this to go back and read again, to remind myself what we have gone through but also to remember that i can do hard things. i think as momma's sometimes, we have to remind ourselves of that.

here is the video of dylan